Equivalent affectations have invaded the PR/marketing wonk driven world inside business and tech companies alike. This quasi-viral nonsense is spreading as well. We have Social Media Expert, Social Media Guru and Social Media Evangelist to name but three, all of which I view as shorthand for rides a bike and has two brain cells working - not necessarily in combination.
One of my current favorites is Data Scientist. If you get to the nut of what this is about then it's really a glorified statistician. Not that I have anything against stats wonks, even when they couldn't hit a barn door with some of their predictions. Heck, stats was a required paper when I trained as an accountant and boy do I know how to mess with your head on that topic.
But the current mother of invention - courtesy of Sameer Patel on Facebook is....Digital Transformation Accelerator. He says:
That's a real job title of a real person...Accelerating something that is not fully understood. Excellent.
Are you kidding me? Apparently not with Vijay Vijayasankar chiming in with:
I saw exactly that name as a service offering from an analyst firm recently.
He was being kind - he should have said: anal-yst, my contemptuous title for those self styled 'analysts' who mostly would not know a piece of code if it slapped them in the face but have marketing smarts in spades, inventing new trends at every turn to support all manner of wild theses - or is it feces?
Needless to say, the conversation became amusing with offerings like:
- Collaboration Svengali - evil that one
- Sandokan - tough sounding
- Futurist Thought Leader on Digital Transformation Acceleration - atomic particle name gone wonky perhaps?
My personal contribution? Chief Flatulence Evangelist because the main pre-requisite for these types of role is that the person be capable of being a grade A windbag, spouting shit in a way that beguiles people into thinking their shit smells sweet. When of course it doesn't.
Have your own ideas on that? LMK in comments.
In the meantime, I hear Naomi Bloom is rounding up supporters for my promotion to CFE. Yessiree - I can do that with the best of them. Now move over while I inflate the windbag and flex my three brain cells for HR's psychometric testing session.